the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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