she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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