thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
