This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
