she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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