I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
