i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
