she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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