You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
