covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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