also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
