I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
