I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
two words...techno handjob
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
