An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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