I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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