there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
