I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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