I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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