I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
