my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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