My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
