So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
