Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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