Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
