can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
