I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
