This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can't just leave with hair like that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
