Pants 0. Shit 1.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
