So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
