chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
