$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm both gender and math confused
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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