I skipped work to stalk him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
