I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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