wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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