i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize