Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
