good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
