A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
