Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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