Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
