is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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