I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize