I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize