True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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