I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
