How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
