Pappa wants mamma naked
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
