Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
