she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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