i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
