Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
