well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she pinky promised me she was 18
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
