Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
