He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
