Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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