so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
