forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
