I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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