Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
only you would photoshop your dick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
