I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
