overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
