Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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