apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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