Got a toothbrush?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Randomize
