He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Two words: blizzard sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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