So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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