A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
