but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
