you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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