Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
