OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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