At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
