So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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